[AToussaint]

Specifically, I want to buy a new car that allows me to disable all audible alerts, such as for parking and overtaking – and preferably doesn't even turn on video for reversing. I've been driving for four decades and when I have rented vehicles recently these have been nothing but a dangerous distraction.

[Mark07]

You raise an interesting point.

There is a market (albeit a fairly small one) for 'dumb mobile phones' which allow owners to phone and text... maybe play snake.

I wonder if there is also a market for 'dumb cars', without all the bells and whistles?

I did have a look on a few of the larger car sites, as you can imagine, I couldn't see a way to filter results based on what you're looking for.

I suspect you may need to generate a short list of models you're interested in, then cross reference them with the spec you're looking for and then limit your search based on that refined list.

Maybe others will have a better suggestion.

[Drivingforfun]

I actually think that even if it were possible you'd limit your choices so much it'd be pretty restrictive

Some of these features can be disabled, even crudely e.g. by disconnecting wires, and if you were willing to do that it'd open your options up a bit

[Arethusa]

I have been watching reviews on Youtube for all sort of new SUVs, and all of them refer to the "bings and bongs" of new cars. Everyone, without exception has said that these distractions are part of new EU regulations. Even though they can be silenced, by turning the options off, if you turn the engine off, they will all reset to back on, next time you start the engine. Just have to buy an older car, I guess.

[AToussaint]

Thanks for your responses, people. It's starting to look like we've had foisted upon us – whether we asked for it or not – the solution to a problem many of us don't have.

[Rolebama]

I know that on my car I can use a third-party gadget to change a lot of the settings. From brightness of dashboard illumination to how many flashes of indicator when I just 'flick' the switch. The one I use is called Carly, and plugs into the OBD2 socket, and I change the settings on my mobile via Bluetooth. I did not buy it for that reason, and discovered these extra uses when playing with it. These changes are all fixed so do not revert to default when engine is re-started.
My guess would be that something similar exists for most cars.