[Rolebama]

Talking to a mate yesterday, and I was reminded that in 1970 I was based at Bovington. The nearest pub was The Ship in Wool. I had agreed to meet a friend there for some reason and I got there about 6.30pm. I walked in and to the bar. I heard: "With you in a minute, Sir!" I replied to the effect that I was in no hurry. A minute or so later, I heard again: "With you in a minute, Sir!"
Whilst waiting, I was having a look round. It wasn't a big pub, and there were a few 'old boys' in there who gave me a friendly smile. When the barman arrived, he pulled me my pint, and again I heard: "With you in a minute, Sir!" "Don't take any notice of him" said the barman, "He doesn't even work here." Indicating a mynah bird sitting on the corner of the bar. Then I realized what the 'old boys' were smiling at.

[Mark07]

hahahaha 😂😂😂

[NMNeil]

With my almost no French speaking ability I went into a bar in Provence, and because I'd been practicing "Une bière pression, s’il vous plait" ( "a draft beer, please") I was looking forward to a nice cold one.
But what i actually said was ""Une bière poisson, s’il vous plait" ( "a fish beer, please") which had the bar erupt into laughter.
I did end up with a frosty beer though, bought by one of the locals who took pity on me.

[TC1474]

Once upon a time the policy for us traffic cops when stopping a vehicle was to stop from the front and turn on the "Police Stop" sign along with the blues. In the plain car we had a rear window flip up sign operated by a piece of string that went from the back of the car to the driver/passenger.

Anyway, we were using Capri 2.8i's as our plain car, but the policy had recently changed that we were to pull vehicles from the rear due to a couple of colleagues who had been badly injured (and in one case killed) as a result of them stopping from the front and then being run over as they walked back to the vehicle they had just stopped.

On this occasion and by coincidence, I had stopped another Capri 2.8i. I got out of the car dealt with the driver accordingly, and then got back into my car.

I had got about 100 yards up the road and thought, where is my cap, where is my briefcase, who turned my blue lights off? (we had strobes fitted behind the grill on the Capri) and then the penny dropped 😮 I had got back into the wrong car.

So I quickly had to select reverse and reverse the 50 yards or so backwards and of course I could then see the strobes from my car blazing which confirmed what I had done.

The colour of the Capri I had stopped was identical to mine, and I was still in the stop from the front mindset.

Anyway, they guy I had just stopped must have thought all his Christmases had come at once as "His" car now had a full set of blue strobes, two tone horns, calibrated speedo and the like.

Sheepishly I apologised and asked for my car back (or more to the point, I asked if we could swap cars 🙄) but as a consolation I did let him off the offence for which I had just booked him for.

I felt a total idiot, but it was a lesson learnt as I never made that mistake again.

[NMNeil]

Ah, the stories I could tell, and I will😁
Had a report of a stolen a car come over the air and lo and behold, it's right in front of me. Turned on the overheads and siren and conducted a high risk felon traffic stop (lots of guns and immediate backup request). I pulled my Remington semi auto shotgun from the rack and unknowingly caught the charging handle on something and it pulled out. I only found out when I got out of the patrol car and went to chamber a round, but there was no charging handle. Worst part is the car thief gets out holding a handgun.
So I've got a car thief with a gun in front of me and I've got a very expensive club, because without a charging handle that's all it can be used for.
Fortunately the thief didn't know I was pointing a non working shotgun at him and he gave himself up, but it was a real change of underwear moment.

[Drivingforfun]

Mine might be right now, because I don't get the OP's tale 😅

I'm usually quite good for my generation at understanding more mature stuff that other millennials don't get, but this has gone over my head

[Rolebama]

I went into the pub where a mynah bird was sitting on the counter, and I believed I was talking to a barman. The 'old boys' were smiling because they were aware I was talking to a bird. When the barman arrived and I became aware I had been awaiting service from a bird, I felt a fool.
Mynah birds can not only 'talk' but can also imitate some human voices.